How to build trust

How is Trust Built?

By Trina Otero

TRUST… How is this built?

One day I asked myself how does one build trust with another. How does a couple build trust? Then I thought of my friend Paola.. Because she is the closest friend I have, and I have known her the longest [10+ years]. We have been through a lot.. We have been through periods where we didn’t talk.. But.. She’s still here. And she knows me. Like really knows me. She knows the old Trina, she knows my past issues, she knows how annoying I am, how loud and quiet I am, and my quirks. She knows me now as the woman I’ve grown into. And we had to get to this point… WITH TIME. When she and I first started hanging out I remember our connection was instant but there were things that happened that made me wonder about her as a friend. I remember asking her why she makes fun of people and makes certain comments — I remember telling her I didn’t want to be friends with someone who was mean and judgmental. She never realized she did that – she apologized to me and ceased the judgmental comments. She noticed I was very bitchy and moody, and she would say and do things to show me that perhaps I was viewing situations in a negative way. My outlook slowly began to change. [There are so many other things we both pointed out, lol, and have worked on.] We have had very raw moments where we had deep conversations about our lives, our Selves, our “flaws.” We have had to learn about one another’s character. And that took time! That took opportunity to be around one another and get to know one another. We learned to trust one another. There’s a certain amount of trust that is given, but hard-core trust comes with time.

So, if I want to trust any guy, it’s going to take time. It’s a good idea to take the opportunity to be friends first. To observe one another’s character. Trusting one another will come with time.

This made me think of J. Franklin and his wife J. Franklin. [Funny, right? But true, both names start with J!] They were friends for ten years before they tied the knot. They dated on and off. I remember he would talk about her sometimes, while we were at work at the University Library. How she annoyed him or how “crazy” she was, ha! But he talked about their friendship and how much he loved her. Ten years is a long time…. I also thought of Butterfly*, my friend I met from Instagram. She told me she and her husband knew each other for ten years. She said when she met him ten years ago through a mutual friend she was not interested in him. Then a few years ago they hung out again because of a mutual friend and they started dating. They were together for three years before he finally proposed to her. All these people took time. Time to get to know Self and to know the other.

As the song by Orleans says, “Cause love takes time, And it’s hard to find, You gotta take some time, To let love grow…”

After contemplating trust and love, a string of synchronous signs came my way, all about trust. 🙂

Trust with others builds over time, but I believe a person should take time to trust their Self and intuition first. Through trial and error, and taking time to learn about your Self, you will learn to trust your Self. And to trust the Universe. Remember, if you don’t trust the Source first [God, Universe, your Self, etc] then it is harder to trust others. It is just like self-love — love your Self first and then it is easier to receive and give love. Here is a video where I talk about Fears, Intuition, and Knowing Yourself When It Comes to Relationships.

May the Light guide you.
Namaste,
T.O.

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All works by Trina Otero is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

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2 thoughts on “How is Trust Built?

  1. Dewin Nefol says:

    Hey Trina,

    As always, an interesting post, thank you.

    I have just one question…do you regard ‘trust’ as being a uniquely human-orientated expression and experience of ‘faith?’. Or is trust better defined by the phrase ‘having a confident expectation’ of or in something or someone, and if so how might these two perspectives differ when both are strengthened by time and personal experience and influenced by belief?

    Hoping all is well. Namaste

    DN – 09/05/14

    Like

    • akosmopolite says:

      Hi Dewin! Thank you for reading 🙂 I am happy you enjoyed it. I like your questions. I think “trust” can be seen both ways. Trust IS Faith, is it not? I feel like we should have Faith in our Selves, and God/Universe/Allah, and this allows us to have Trust in our everyday lives. In general. A sense of security. When we have this, we are able to extend that Trust with others. Then, when it comes to relationships, I would have to admit that we do tend to have expectations. When we trust others, we are basically saying we expect them to keep things in confidence, to never hurt us, etc. I understand that human beings are not perfect, so there will be times when others will hurt us…and this is when we have to ask our Selves and ask them about their Intentions. Did they do or say something with the intent to hurt us? Or did they do it unintentionally? If it’s unintentional, they can be more mindful next time. Which is always a great lesson. If it is intentional, then well, that is a whole different topic! LOL And perhaps that person does not care or does not know how to do things in a healthy manner. Just depends..Expectations, in general, will lead to disappointment. Because it is an attachment. When we understand that we are all trying our best, we have compassion, and when we have trust in something greater [supreme being] our trust goes from being an expectation to pure faith. In my opinion….and…observations so far as a human. LOL!

      Namaste Dewin. 🙂

      -T.O.

      Like

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