By Trina Otero
Have you ever asked yourself “why” you do something? Have you asked yourself what is your reason for dating often, volunteering at organizations, working out five days a week, etc? A great way to find the True Intention behind every action you do for yourself [and others] and what you say to yourself and others is to ask yourself, “Why?”
Here is an example. Let’s say a friend called me and I decided to ignore the call. I could ask myself, “Trina, why did you ignore your friend’s call?” I would think about it and reflect on how I feel. “I am moody right now.” Hmm…”Ok, why are you moody?” I would sit and think about it some more. “Last night someone said something to me that hurt my feelings, so I went to bed feeling this way and I guess I woke up still feeling hurt.” So now I know that I have held onto hurt feelings from the night before, and because of that I am choosing not to talk to a friend — a friend who didn’t have anything to do with what happened the night before. I realize I am choosing to ignore and possibly push this friend away for awhile because I have chosen to hold onto feelings from an unrelated situation. This is not loving towards my friend at all…and I should actually take the time to try talking to the person who hurt my feelings to resolve the issue. I realize ignoring my friend is a fear-based decision. At this point I could call my friend to talk, or I could call or text my friend to let him/her know that I am a little moody but would love to talk to them soon. Being honest and receptive to my friend is a decision from love.
That was a very simple example. This blog post might seem boring to some, but I thought I should give examples to help people who might be trying to grasp the concept of intention behind action. 🙂
Another example, which I have observed to be very common, is this: Let’s say that I talk to a lot of men. I have a lot of male friends and make a lot of new male friends. I might even have a lot of exes still around as friends. This is common with many people. In this hypothetical situation, let me ask myself “why” just to see if I am choosing to have all this male company out of a loving heart or because of a fear. “Trina, why do you like to make male friends and talk to so many men?” I would sit and ponder about this…and of course anyone who asks this to their self will immediately say something like, “Oh I think they are cool” or “because I like having friends” or “He is so nice.” I can ask myself again. “Why do you like making male friends?” I might answer, “I like talking to people and feeling wanted.” This opens up a doorway..because now I have just realized that a part of me wants to be wanted. Accepted. I could ask myself why I feel the need to be wanted or accepted. “Well, my last boyfriend did not pay attention to me and it made me feel like I was not important.” Wow, this is vulnerability! Being honest with Self. This allows me to see a vulnerable side of myself — that I feel unwanted and unaccepted. I could continue to ask myself why…perhaps my ex did things that caused me to stop believing in myself or maybe I had low self esteem for years and never realized it. Regardless, this process of asking “why” allowed me to see that I feel unwanted and unaccepted. And I must realize that this is something that I can not find from other people. I could continue to make friends and even date, but we are all humans which means we go through emotions and moods, so what will I do one day when a friend or boyfriend does something that makes me feel unwanted or unaccepted? I can’t continue to seek acceptance from people. I must learn to want and accept MYSELF. I must learn to build my own self confidence, self esteem, and self love.
This was a deeper way of looking at this exercise and it is fictitious, although I have no shame in admitting that I have done things in my past, even dated guys, to feel wanted. We all do it at some point. I am also not claiming that all people who have a lot of friends of the opposite sex do it because of low self esteem! This was just an example. 🙂
Asking yourself “why” is a simple exercise that will increase your awareness about yourself the more you practice it. It shows us what we do out of fear and what we do out of love. Doing this will teach you about yourself — your fears and the depths of your love. I encourage everyone to do it!
Inspired? Share my Love but please credit my work! ❤
All works by Trina Otero is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.